I am sure the title of this article has already shocked you, and right now, you are probably judging me for what I mentioned. That me and my partner planned on having a second baby because we wanted a divorce. Right?
What a wrong thought to bring a baby into this world with. And how insensitive and irresponsible can we be, when we can’t even handle a marriage, but want to give birth to a new life, even though we know we will not remain a family.
I understand all the thoughts and questions that may be running through your mind right now. But let me just take a moment and tell you why we reached this decision and why we did what we did.
We had a love marriage, and yes, we were very much in love (which is why we got married by choice and even after our families asking us not to).
We were truly happy, and over the years, our life seemed to be perfect. All our friends and relatives and family members would give our examples, saying they wanted to be as happy and compatible as the two of us. Everyone said that seeing the two of us together always made them smile.
Everyone thought we were the perfect couple, but we knew the truth...
But both my husband and I knew that things were not right. We knew the cracks were there, and try as we might, we would not be able to solve them anymore.
We had tried everything. From couple therapy to marriage and sex counselling to rekindling our relationship. But it was just not working.
And yes, we had a baby too. And no, this baby was not ‘planned’ for any reason, it was a very natural process and we did not even realize initially that we were going to have a baby.
As our baby was growing up, so were our problems and our distances. We were growing apart as a couple, even though we were amazing as parents.
And we still are.
We realized our child was very sensitive, one of those over-sensitive and extremely emotional personality types who fall sick the moment there is some tension in the house. Any emotional or verbal conflict between me and my husband and our child would invariably fall sick. It had become a routine.
We tried to make it work, for our child’s sake, but it didn’t help. We knew that even if we tried for a few months or years, we would never be able to live together for our entire life.
We planned our second baby, and there has been no less love for our 'planned' baby ever...
Which is why we planned our second baby. A sibling can be a lot of things, siblings fight, they get mad at each other, they are upset, but they can also be your biggest pillar of strength and comfort.
When parents are not around anymore, it is your sibling you can trust, and talk to. I know there are instances where siblings break the trust, but in most cases, at least in my case as well as that of my husband, we have always been able to share our deepest secrets and problems with our siblings.
We gave our children a sibling, and today, even as we are in the process of separation and moving on, we can see that both our children are adapting much better to the change than they would have otherwise.
We are doing all we can to make the process smooth and less painful for them, but yes, having a sibling to be together with always can make a huge difference. At least in our case, it has. Do you think we did the right thing?
Note: Writer's name has been withheld on request
Read: Parting ways: Talking to kids about your divorce
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