5 ways to deal with a short-tempered spouse
When your partner’s constant flare-ups are bringing you down, how can you cope?
Anger is inevitable in a relationship. But each person differs in the way they handle losing their temper. While one chooses to brood, using the silent treatment as their weapon of choice; some fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
One concerned wife on theAsianparent Community who believes “maintaining marriage is not easy” wonders: “How do you manage a hot-temper husband?”
The question posted has since earned some responses from users who have found themselves in a similar situation.
“Knowing when to keep quiet when you know the volcano is going to erupt helps. Take hints of the tone and choice of words used and you can sense the level of tension, then take a step back,” says one woman, who also believes the clash of two hot-headed people never turns out well and that raising one’s voice is never the answer.
Another user believes that it’s effective to simply listen: “I listen to his rants and when he flares up, [I] just keep quiet and apologize if I have to. Try not to raise voice and argue with him when he is in one of his moods.”
“I usually just keep quiet,” agrees another user. “There is no point in arguing as he will not be able to see my point. Wait [until] he cools down and then revisit the issue. That is when he can explain himself better and listen to what I have to say.”
Find out what a psychologist has to say about managing a hot temper on the next page
Dr. Lynn Weiss shared some insight to Marriage Missions about dealing with a short-tempered spouse.
Take a step back
The first step is to wait. It’s always smart to wait for your partner to calm down before starting a conversation. No good can come from forcing them to explain what’s upsetting them when their emotions are heightened.
Dr. Weiss also believes spouses should “practice saying things in a matter-of-fact way,” adding that you should only try to converse with them once they’ve cooled down.
Recognize the triggers
This applies to both you and your partner. After a while, you start to become an expert in what ticks the other one off.
There are many external factors that contribute to an ill temper: heavy traffic, bills to pay, or just a bad day at the office. But none of these things should be held accountable, even if they are upsetting.
More temper-training tips from Dr. Weiss on the next page
Keep your own feelings in check
You should also be aware that you’re entitled to have a temper.
Acknowledging responsibility helps you be in control and find other ways to deal with things that upset you.
It’s tempting to want to lash out when they hurt your feelings but it’s important to allow them to be upset, waiting until they’re more receptive before expressing your own frustration.
Being patient often means discerning when to keep silent.
Encourage but don’t tolerate
Yes, you have to allow them to rant. But, remember, that they must be held accountable for each outburst. Do not reinforce their temper.
With the right timing and approach, you can not only learn to defuse outbursts but to lessen them in the future.
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