Here are some tips to bring the fun back into your marriage
The sex always benefits the marriage.
Have you ever felt that after years of being married and having kids, life has settled into a happy albeit predictable routine? Your sex life hasn’t vanished altogether but you find that your once fiery libido has gradually dwindled but a part of you can’t help but miss, or even yearn for that hot and bold sex you once couldn’t get enough of. Well, if you want to bring the fun back into your marriage, it’s time to become 25 all over again!
Do you remember when you were 25 and you felt that you could hold the world in the palm of your hand? When you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw a blossoming woman who was bold and beautiful? When you were fully in tune with your sexuality? When you knew exactly how irresistible you looked in your new sexy lingerie and didn’t hesitate to put it on, along with a pair of heels and red lipstick, and parade around your bedroom to tempt and tease your man?
Being 25 is fun and incredibly empowering because you dare to cross lines and break boundaries. You are fun and frivolous when you have to be, you are game to trying new things, you don’t overthink every single thing, you aren’t bogged down with responsibilities and you know how to seize the moment. Importantly, you can’t deny that you have amazing sex!
So if you’re looking to bring the fun back into your marriage, try being 25 all over again! Send that nude picture to your man, drive out for a quick backseat romp in a secluded place, book a hotel room and have drunk sex – chase the thrills all over again!
See, the problem with many couples is that when they become parents, they suddenly get all uptight and judgmental. They get so caught up in being parents that they forget that when the kids aren’t watching, they are adults, with a relationship to maintain and with every right to do all things that adults do before they had kids – and that includes getting down and dirty.
Imagine this scenario. The entire week goes by in a blur and you’re both busy with work and the kids and you barely get to chat for 5 minutes before bedtime. It’s Friday night and your man is hoping to get lucky, you’re chilling on your couch, having a drink and catching up with each other. He puts his arm around you and traces the side of your arm in an attempt to turn you on.
And then you start with the list of complaints about your kids’ misdeeds accumulated over the week. Trust me, it’s a turn off. Not fun at all.
In other situations, women often feel that their men need to ‘earn’ it if they want sex. They are busy keeping score of the last time their husbands did their fair share of chores, or how many times they got up at night to feed the baby. They allow pent up anger to get in the way of their sex life even though they do want sex. Don’t do that to your sex life. It’s not getting even, it’s just killing your marriage!
Men too are guilty of this. They get to bed with intentions of having some sexy time and their wives are next to them. They decide to finish up that last bit of work, to send that last email, to check on those stocks for 5 more minutes before turning to their wives. It’s a turn off for her too.
So if you want to bring the fun back into your marriage, you’ve got to put everything else aside. You have to momentarily forget that you’re parents, that you’re the manager of the company that you work for or that you have a long list of errands to run the next morning. Throw everything out of your head and get sexcited – the way you did when you were 25 and lived like you had no tomorrow!
If he asks you to send him a nude, given that your relationship is based on a strong foundation of mutual respect and trust, don’t hesitate to send it. Don’t let your insecurities get the better of you, don’t think if you look ‘hot’ enough to send that picture. Just get it into your head that your man is still attracted to you and wants a piece of you to tease him until he pounces on you later that night. Just go for it mums!
Snap out of the whole, do you think we are newly-married, do you think we are dating, do I look 25 to you, type of answers. Don’t think too much and just go for it.
Bring the fun back into your marriage by entering unchartered territory. Suggest something completely crazy and get your man’s sexual appetite all revved up. Why not? He deserves it and so do you!
We hear and read a lot about ways to bring the fun back into your marriageby trying new things in the bedroom, trying new positions and being open to new things. But what I’m talking about is not just the sex, but the whole package. Of now allowing these mind-forged boundaries of what being married and parents should be like. Of allowing yourselves to just let loose and have fun with each other.
Book a hotel room while the kids are having their enrichment class and have a quick romp. It will remind you of times when you didn’t have the liberty of being in each other’s beds all night long. It will be thrilling and exciting – it will leave you wanting more.
Have sex in a no holds barred manner. Be loud, be rough, go at it all night long. Lick chocolate and whipped cream off each other, trace your bodies with ice cubes. Fall asleep naked in each other’s arms and sleep in a little later on a Sunday morning. Life doesn’t always have to be clockwork. Trust me, it will bring the fun back into your marriage.
By this point, you should get my point and that is you can do whatever you want and you don’t have to be shy. Don’t feel guilty, or less of a woman if you are bold enough to communicate and live out your deepest, darkest fantasies and desires- he is your husband after all and he will love it.
Don’t let the mom-mode make you uptight and boring – that’s going to add 10 years to your age immediately!
And trust me mums, when you get yourself out of your comfort zone and start getting comfortable with your sexuality, when you keep trying new things and when you consciously tempt and tease each other, you will view sex in a new light. You will enjoy it and you’ll find yourself wanting more and more of it, whenever and wherever.
When the sex gets more and better, you start to realise that you ease other tensions in your marriage and become more open to talking things out or working around certain issues you may have. The sex always benefits the marriage.
So what are you waiting for mums? If you want to bring the fun back into your marriage, get off your phones, stop reading articles, shed the clothes and have fun!
Republished with permission from The Asianparent Singapore