9 terribly gross things only a mum would do for her child
Do you do all these gross things for your kids?
We love our children Just.So.Much.
So much that we would do anything for them -- even the most unimaginably disgusting things that no other person would ever think of doing for another human being.
When you become a mum, it's like your retch button is automatically switched off and you embrace your child's snot, poop, pee and the like without thinking twice about it.
We're not leaving you out dads -- we know you would probably do these things too, out of love for your child.
But it's safe to say that in the scheme of things, a mum would find herself doing one, more or all of the gross things listed below more times a day than many dads would.
So brace yourselves. Here are 9 terribly, horribly gross things only a mother would do for her child:
1. Smell diapers
You've got to admit it -- the easiest and quickest way to find out if you baby has pooped is to get your nose up, close and personal with his bum-bum and take a deep whiff.
2. Catch vomit in your hands
If you have a vomiter living with you (you know, those little people who throw up if they come across a grain of rice in their puree), then you'll know what it's like to have the smell of throw-up perpetually lingering in your nose, your hair, your clothes... you get my drift.
And of course, you are quite adept at catching vomit in your hands and transporting it to the dustbin or toilet without spilling a drop.
Us mums are talented like that.
3. Touch poo/ pee
We don't like to do this totally gross thing as much as non-parents don't like to hear about it. But sometimes a mums gotta do what a mum's gotta do.
And sometimes that involves touching her child's excrement, especially if the little one has had a poo explosion or a pee accident.
Now, now, stop gagging please!
4. Poke your hand down the toilet
This phenomenon is especially common among mums of toddlers, who are quite skilled at fishing around in the toilet bowl for various objects -- such as pacifiers, keys and mobile phones -- thrown in there by their little darlings.
5. Catch chewed-up food in your hands (also see point 2)
Many small children have this habit of chewing their food for ages, and then, after grossing themselves out by the wad of mushy food in their mouth, proceed to spit it out.
No, they don't politely deposit the chewed up remains of lunch in the dustbin. Instead, they will make loud gagging noises and bring out the food regardless of where they are -- at home, at a restaurant and so on.
And of course, to spare themselves of more cleaning and embarrassment, many mums will use their clever hands to catch these offerings.
6. Wipe snot with your bare hands
"A mum's gotta do what a mum's gotta do": let's make this out mantra, shall we? If there are no tissues to wipe up those nasty boogers and dribbling snot, the next best things are mummy's fingers.
7. Go out with pee/vomit/ spit-up in your hair and on your clothes
What's the point in changing your clothes when you're only going to get pee/vomit/ spit-up on them again shortly? Laundry liquid is expensive and wet wipes are a-plenty.
8. Examine poo
Just as we are good at using our noses to sniff out a poo-filled diaper, our eyes are fine-tuned to 'read' poo.
This means, by looking at and analysing the texture, colour, shape and size of a child's poo, mums can cleverly tell if their child is constipated, has diarrhea, has had a normal bowel movement, or if the helper has fed the child blueberries when she was specifically told not to.
9. Clean your child with saliva
If a mummy cat can lick her kittens to clean them, why can't we?
It's what you do when you are a minute away from your mother-in-law's house and you notice a smudge of dirt of your child's face (and you don't have wet wipes on you).
It better than risking your mother-in-law's accusations of child neglect anyway, right?
Would you add anything more to our list? Tell us, in a comment below.