How do I know if my husband is seducing the maid?
If you suspect that your husband is seducing the maid then you may have to approach the issue as you would to solve a puzzle. Here's how.
Singapore-based interior decorator Marcia Lee (name changed) had been happily married for three years. But she was in for a rude shock when she discovered last month that her husband was seducing the maid.
The revelation came on a Monday morning when her maid turned up to announce that she was leaving for good.
"She said that my husband was sexually harassing her, adding that he would often come home when I was not around to try to seduce her," shared Lee.
This was after a previous maid left abruptly just three months ago.
"I'm beginning to think my husband might be seducing the maid in my absence. Although he dismissed it when I confronted him and said that the maid wants to destroy our marriage! Is the girl lying or my husband?" questioned the 32-year-old.
How to find out if your husband is seducing the maid!
Unfortunately, Lee represents one of the many wives who are caught in a similar situation. The pain of a husband developing a romantic relationship outside of marriage can devastate a loyal wife. Especially if it involves a maid.
This is a terrible dilemma, but you will have to begin with direct confrontation. Just as Lee did, you first need to verify the authenticity of the allegations. And, that is just the beginning.
Post confrontation, you might have to do the following to check if your husband is seducing the maid or vice versa.
1. Check all the facts
As mentioned, you need to begin by clarifying all of the details. Ask your maid about the nature of the harassment, the time and even the days. Make sure to pose similar questions to your husband.
Try to check his availability and whereabouts on the days your maid has alleged he harassed her.
However, you must be considerate to both parties and hear them out calmly without jumping to any conclusions. You need to have all the facts on hand.
2. Exercise the power of your intelligence
This is like solving a puzzle. So try to exercise your intelligence as best as you can. When it comes to your husband, you might have to question him without demoralising him or making him feel small.
Remember that you entered this union after a promise to travel through the journey of life together. You will have to face both the ups and downs holding each other's hands. This kind of compassion can help you better understand if your husband was seducing the maid for real.
3. Explore the values of marriage
Whether your husband was seducing the maid or vice versa, it is crucial at this juncture that you remain calm. Such a situation calls for an exemplary show of patience, moral discipline and self control.
If he confesses to cheating on you, you may have to convince him to understand the importance of loyalty in marriage. Your first instinct might be to save your own marriage.
Also, do not forgot that you've known your husband longer than you've known your maid.
4. Check where things went wrong
What happened in your relationship to entice your husband to go after another woman? Look within yourself to understand why your husband was seducing the maid.
You might find the answer in your behaviour, your sex life or your understanding of each other. When you do, you can work towards rejuvenating that lost passion and love. This way, each time he thinks of you, he will have love in his heart only for you.
5. Do not be disrespectful
After a few years of marriage, you may have come to know your husband intimately. You are aware of his habits – good and bad – as well as his indiscretions. You can probably even catch him when he lies.
So do not try to belittle him because your maid showed you a side of your husband's behaviour you did not know existed. He is still your husband.
Try to come to a positive solution for both parties. Attempt to salvage your relationship by understanding where things went wrong and looking for workable solutions.
Just remember that your calm and peaceful approach to this situation can protect your marriage. The situation at hand might only need a psychological intervention. So be that stronghold for your husband and try to make him see right from wrong.
In many cases, the hired maids actually lie to fulfill an ulterior motive. So investigating the matter without taking sides could help you catch her, if this is indeed the case.
Republished with permission from: theAsianParent Singapore