"I am proud that I don't 'help' my wife at housework"
I am proud that I don't help my wife in doing the household chores. And, tell you what, she is happy that I don't 'help' her either.
I am a modern husband. And, like I said, I am proud that I don't help my wife in doing the household chores. And, tell you what, she is happy that I don't 'help' her either.
Now, before you brand me as anti-feminist, regressive, misogynist piece of human excrement, let me explain what I mean by that. To help, by definition would mean that household work is her responsibility and I am just playing a subordinate part in taking care of the house where my family lives. Instead, we share, as equally responsible adults who entered the union with a clear understanding and maturity that a marriage deserves, the household chores. We have a pact - we share, we give each other space, and we are happy doing so!
If I were to 'help' my wife, it would mean that I am doing something out of ordinary. It isn't so. I am doing what every husband should do. And yes, it does not mean that I am not man enough, or that I do this because I am afraid of my wife. It just means that I respect her and I am just proving it by my actions. No big deal! And 'being proud' part comes from this understanding between us.
However, if you are still on the fence, if you are not sold on the idea of sharing, here are 5 compelling reasons to do so.
This is one of the dumbest reason I could think of, but then again, not everyone lives in this century. There are still men (and women) out there who think that there are gender-specific roles and those should be done by the respective member of the family. In fact, the latest statistics about Asian men support this argument. In a 2014 report, it was seen that Indian men spent only 19 minutes doing household work whereas their spouses toiled for whooping 298 minutes. That is almost 5 hours and 15 times the time spent by men! Japan, Korea and China also fare poorly on this survey.
Catch up, guys! Even if your wife is a homemaker, she still adds value to the family. You cannot put a price tag on the unpaid work- it is priceless. So grow a pair and enlist for a few chores.
Do you believe in equity? Do you believe that husband and wife, both are important for the family? Do you believe that both of you should contribute towards the family in a just manner? Then this is a compelling reason to sit down, make a list of chores with your wife and divide them fairly.
Equity would mean that both of you end up doing chores according to your ability. One of you might be working and the other might be the homemaker. That does not mean that it is the responsibility of the homemaker to take care of all the domestic chores.
From movies to fairytales, every story has a common theme. Women cannot do stuff on their own and 'need' a Knight in a shining armour to free her from a literal or a proverbial dragon. Well, let me burst your bubble there. It ain't true mate! Try switching the genders in the stories. Heck, try out a role reversal when it comes to your present situation. Does it feel fair? I think not.
Playing fair and doing chores is not going to take your time away from what you hold dear. In fact, it is going to free up time for you to do so. Do you love playing video games or going out with bros for a night out? And do you enjoy it to the fullest, or is there a tiny nagging sensation at the back of your head wondering if your wife is disappointed in you because of your actions?
There is a solution. Studies have shown that couples who have a clear distribution of work are happier than those who keep it ambiguous. So, the easiest way to carve some guiltless time for yourself is simple - just do your part and be free to enjoy! Keep your wife in the loop though.
Children are notorious copycats. They watch the way you behave with your wife. Do you want your son to grow up thinking that he is privileged just because he is a boy? Do you want your daughter to grow up with a lower self-esteem? If yes, then you are the abovementioned anti-feminist, regressive, misogynist piece of human excrement. You stink.
But, if you are indeed a decent human, set the right example. Manners is a right of passage. Don't forget to set a right example for your children. At the end of the day, it is them who is going to remember you when you are no longer around. What you want them to remember you as is up to you.
I don't know what garbled up idea you might have about masculinity. The word 'testis' in Latin means 'a witness', a proof. And throughout ages, men have been living a twisted reality just to prove their virility. Be it bullfights, or scaring away wife's friends, men have been doing vacuous things for ages.
However, a real man believes that he does not need to prove himself. Instead, he focuses his energy on 'doing right' by the family. That means contributing meaningfully to the family.
So guys, do your part. Don't overburden your wife with all the chores. You are better than that. We all are. But don't just do it because I said so. Do it because you want to. Deep down, you really do.
Republished with permission from: sg.theasianparent.com/proud-dont-help-wife-housework/