Switch between battlefields and beauty salons, if that's what makes you happy
While they say I am supposed to be teaching you all the good things in life, my sweetest, you are the one who has taught me lessons. All I have managed to do is tell you what’s right and what’s not. But sweet lady, who is to decide that—the rightness and the wrongness of things?
Not me, not your daddy, neither your grandparents… you will have to learn it yourself – the rights from the wrongs, the in-betweens, being the most important, for slowly you will realise that more than the blacks and whites are the greys.
All I know is that there are quite a few things I don’t want you to learn, and as time passes by, you’ll know why. The things I won’t teach, preach, sermonise, or shove down your throat are:
1. Stop believing that you are a princess. You are a girl. A girl who needs to grow into a strong woman, who will not need a prince in shining armour to protect her.
2. Women aren’t equal to men. Don’t even try equating your sense of self with that of a man. You are way better than any man, both inside out, in body and mind.
3. Don’t be selfless. In all your naivety, do not believe that it's nice to do a good deed without expecting anything in return. Of course, that's the idea of an unselfish act. But if you keep working without gratitude, not getting your money's worth, or being in a one-sided relationship will only make you a bitter person. Do not expect people to be nice to you, just because you are nice.
4. Don’t dress LIKE a fashion icon. Be THE fashion icon yourself. Go ahead with your crazy layering because your sense of style is yours alone. And if you like to team your skirt with your kurti, so be it. No one else has any business telling you to wear a shorter skirt or a longer skirt, a tighter top or a looser top, Indian or western wear.
5. Don't act nor react at hurtful things that people say. Thousand and one people will pass nasty comments, and if they possess an iota of guts, will actually come up to you and say it. Before you act or react, ask yourself how important these people are and then exert your precious energy on them if you deem they deserve it.
6. Do not feel guilty about wanting to look beautiful. Ever. If they call you shallow, you know how to do our little ‘elephant dance’ and shrug? Yay, do that. It will confuse them for at least 15 seconds. That’s when you must go for that touch-up.
7. If you don’t like make-up, you don’t have to. There is nothing you HAVE TO do or like or dislike. Unless you want to.
8. Marriage is not the be all and end all of your life. I guess now that you can read on your own, you might have realised that the endings of story-books that I’d read out to you were different from the actual ones. When Snow White gets that peck on her cheek from the prince, she doesn’t really hop onto the horse with him and gallop off in search of sweet strawberries. And Cinderella, after wearing the glass sandals, doesn’t actually go to the castle to give dance lessons. There’s way more to life than getting married. It’s just a choice, not a necessity.
9. Do not look for the man of your dreams. If at all you want to look for something, look at travel shows and brochures. So much so that you start obsessing over the exotic places and finally decide to take that first trip, backpacking on your own. I promise that you will find way more than you ever knew you even had the thirst for. And you may just bump into the man of your dreams.
10. Do not just obey orders because it comes from a person of authority. Question it, get an answer, and if it convinces you, obey. But not because ‘the high and mighty’ said so. There have been days when I ask you to ‘just do as I say…’ and ignore your ‘why’. Trust me when I say this, that show of fury, was just on the outside. I was secretly glad at the gutsy girl I was raising.
11. Fat is not ugly. Neither is thin. Dark is definitely not and neither is fair. With your dusky complexion, you may feel like punching a few douchebags who have an ‘opinion’ on your skin colour. But you know exactly where that opinion needs to go? Right. Do not worry about your weight.
12. Do not choose your career based on how much you think you will earn. Unless your passion is making money, don’t let that be your guiding force. As you grow older, you will hate every second of your job if it’s not what you like doing. There is nothing like getting paid to do something you enjoy. So it may not pay you as much as something that you don’t enjoy. But the trade-off is worth it.
13. Don’t let your idea of a soul mate be your own self in a male form. So you are amazing, alright. But imagine having to spend every minute of your life with someone just like you. I’m already making faces. Believe your mum, opposites really do attract. Can you see both mommy and daddy as cricket fanatics? Or library crawlers? Nope. That’s right, when I crawl libraries, your father gets his time with those 11 men running around in circles. Phew!
14. Procreating isn’t a part of your life's purpose. Do not have a baby just because your friends are having babies, the biological clock is ticking, or your mother wants to hear the pitter-patter of little feets (I’ll try not to emotionally blackmail you, but by then I’ll be senile. Ha!). Having a baby will change your life. It’s not like buying a car, changing your hair-colour, or getting a tattoo done. It’s way more exhilarating, expensive and painful than you can imagine.
And if I had to sum it all up, I’d say, everyone has an opinion. Just ensure that you don’t absorb them all. Be open to views, but also use your discretion before acting on them. And if you ever fall in, what looks like a whirlpool of mess, remind yourself that this too shall pass and next year, at the same time, you’ll be cackling away, making people around you just glad that they even know you.
After reading this article, would you consider this as parenting tips that perhaps every parent with a daughter must go through? Do let us know your thoughts in the Comment box below.
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