“Parenthood has turned me into a germaphobe”
I turned into a drill sergeant. I gave my husband clear instructions: Take him directly into the shower, don’t let him touch anything along the way.”
Wendy Wisner never paid germs attention before becoming a parent. “If a cute guy showed up at a party sneezing up a storm, I’d totally hang out with him, maybe even take a sip of his beer,” she said in her Scary Mommy confession.
When she finally had children, she realised that every time they fell ill she lost a week of sleep and a week of work and even catch whatever it is they’re afflicted with.
“I will confess: I will do anything to keep germs out of my kids’ bodies. If your kid has a cold, flu, rash, or puked recently, I will grab my kids and run the other way,” Wendy admitted.
“Sorry to be rude, truly, but parenthood has turned me into a complete and total germaphobe.”
One night a week ago, say, she and her husband were just getting cozy on the couch unwinding. Then all of a sudden one of her kids woke up and started throwing up.
Her son had not been feeling well before he went to bed, so when Wendy heard him retch, she ran into his room. He hadn’t made it out of bed and was covered from head to toe in puke.
“Immediately, I turned into a drill sergeant. I gave my husband clear instructions: Take him directly into the shower, don’t let him touch anything along the way, then discard contaminated towels in a trash bag.”
She pulled her hair in a bun, donned latex gloves, and quickly fashioned a homemade hazmat suit out of old clothes.
Then she went into her son’s room, stripped his bed, put everything into a trash bag—she intended it to be laundered separately (to be laundered separately from our other clothes), and drenched the room with bleach.
“As I was doing all this, I saw myself from the outside and realised what a freak of nature I was. I mean, really, germs are just part of life, right?
“Kids getting sick is par for the course. But since having kids, germs basically give me a panic attack.”
Then one day, his son came home with a foot and mouth disease, which a few days later spread to his younger son.
“Hand, foot, and fucking mouth disease. If that shit doesn’t turn you into a germaphobe, I don’t know what will.”
She admitted that she should probably ease up and calm down about all the germs. After all, there’s no saving kids from getting sick—it’s part of life.
“Yet I can’t help myself from making my kids wash their hands like crazy, slathering them in hand sanitiser, and just generally freaking the fuck out about all the germs.”