Yesterday I raised my hand on my 3-year-old and I cried for an hour after that. This is the first time I have hit him so hard but the fact is that it was less of his fault and more of my frustration that I took out on him.
My mother-in-law who lives with us seems to have only one sole purpose in life. And that is to find flaws in the way I am parenting my son. This all started from the moment he was born.
Hamare ghar aisa rivaaj nahi hai
Every thing that I wanted to do for him was quickly vetoed by her saying: “Hamare ghar aisa rivaaj nahi hai.”
When he was a few months old she wanted me to give him a spoon of honey in the night. I always resisted it saying that doctors warn against giving honey to babies less than a year honey in any form for fear of Botulism. Her standard reply: “Mujhe science mat bata, chaar bachche paalein hain.”
This became an everyday fight till the time my husband and I began lying to her that we give him honey in the night. I mostly breastfed my son but also resorted to formula. A move she thinks has resulted in his brittle bones. Whenever he runs in the house she taunts me that he runs slow because he is a nakli doodh reared child.
When I wake him up for school much before its time so that he has enough time to eat breakfast and get ready she tells me I can't even see the child resting. When I take him to the park in the evening she says that I am finding an excuse to go and chat with other women from neighborhood.
She wants to prove me wrong always...
When I feed him daal she thinks I should be giving him more sabji and the day I am feeding sabji she feels that he is drinking less milk. In totality, I have realized her mission is less about caring for her grandson but more about proving me wrong and she uses my son as a shield to prove me wrong.
She often cries in front of my husband that she is so attached to the grandson that she cannot tolerate any negligence towards him. She rarely cooks at home but on the weekend when I want to go out for dinner with my husband she starts cooking my son’s favourite dishes so that my husband feels compelled to stay home.
This is really ruining my happiness and I have begun taking out the frustration on my son, which is so unfair. My husband says I should ignore her but well I live with her 24 hours and I have no office to go to where I can feel distracted.
Help me, fellow mums, I cannot let my child suffer because of our saas bahu battles.
*Name of the writer has been withheld on request
Read: "My mother-in-law saved my marriage... hard to believe but true"
