I am one of those women you may have seen anywhere. At the mall, holding on to kids, carrying their shopping bags, sitting with them at the food court, making them eat, trying to sip on a coffee while being careful the younger child does not accidentally spill it while playing, making sure both of them eat something before they drag you back to the play area again.
I am just like any other mommy in a big city.
Busy, alert, tired, happy, frustrated, bored, alone...
I am.
I don’t know how many mommies like me are out there, but I know there are quite a lot who also feel alone and bored in their lives, even though have amazing little ones to love and cherish.
I got married when I was very young, and it was a love marriage. We knew each other through common friends and we clicked right from the start.
We became friends, but we also knew this was not just friendship, that this would materialize into something more.
And it did.
We got married, and we were happy.
We had kids, we were happy.
He was a father, I was a mother, and we were a family.
And somewhere down the line, we stopped being husband wife, we stopped being a couple, and I think, we stopped being in love, or connected.
Please do not judge me already...
I know what you may be thinking, that I am one of those women who just need an excuse to stray, to say that my husband is so busy and I am so lonely and I am using this as an excuse.
Maybe.
But the problem is, even though my husband says he works so hard to get the lifestyle we have, this was never what I wanted. I was way happier in a smaller house, with a smaller car, with a simpler life. At least I had him with me. Over the years, his dreams grew bigger, and my expectations of being with him grew smaller.
I did miss him a lot, I told him too. But he was too busy. He told me to wait till he gets where he wants to be. That after that he would be back with me.
It has been almost 8 years now that we lost all connect. We barely talk, we have not taken any holiday or even a coffee date together, and anywhere we have been to, it has been with the kids, where we speak to the kids, but have nothing to talk to each other.
I am not happy...
And no, unlike what you think, I am not with anyone else, nor am I planning something like that.
All I want to do now is move on. I cannot live like this, this loneliness is already destroying my health. And my husband has told me that right now he does not have the time.
Please mommies – hear me out. I want to move on, to focus on a career that will let me earn enough to sustain and give a good life to my children. And spend as much time as I can with them. Tell me, mommies, should I go ahead and file for a divorce? I have tried, I really have. What should I do now?
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