"Becoming a mother has ruined my sex life… does it happen to every one post kids?"

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I got married in my mid-twenties and by 30 I was a mum to two kids. Not an old age to yearn for sex I would think. However for the past two years my sex life is virtually non-existent.

I got married in my mid-twenties and by 30 I was a mum to two kids. Not an old age to yearn for sex I would think. However, for the past two years, my sex life is virtually non-existent.

I have a 3-year-old and a six-month-old infant. Between these two very trying age groups I spend most my days trying to retain my sanity somehow.

I live in a joint family with my in-laws and many of my friends who live in a nuclear family often tell me that I must be having it easy considering I have elders at home to help care for the kids. I smile, because well, that’s another chapter for another day.

For now, I would say two more individuals in my household means a little more responsibility on me and a lot more restrictions for the daughter-in-law.

I was totally off-sex for some time...

Anyway, coming back to my husband and my sex-life. When I had my first baby I suffered a long period of post-partum blues. After all, this was the first time I had left my job in a half a decade and was virtually reduced to a nursing machine. I was totally off-sex for some time and even shared this with my husband too.

He understood but I wish he had made attempts to make sex more agreeable to me. Instead, he chose to sleep with his back towards me. I was amused because just because I was not in a mood to have sex meant that I did not even deserve a hug or a caress.

 

Well, things got better and I began yearning for sex but by then my husband perhaps had gotten used to having sex once in a while routine.

Even before we could talk or do something to put things on track I fell pregnant again. Yes, it's ironical that we were having so little sex yet my fertility seemed to be at its peak. My second pregnancy was a lot difficult and I was mostly on bed rest.

It also meant that my doctor advised me for limited sex so there went my routine for a toss again. Today my second baby is six-months-old and I am in a mood to revive my sex life but my husband seems to be on a different page all together.

He has some work tensions and often uses that as an excuse to say that life is not only about dreaming about having sex. I agree, but then life is also about making love.

My husband is in no mood...

Between feeding two babies, caring for in-laws, fighting the boredom of leading a monotonous life, day in and day out with kids I am the one who should feel more exhausted; instead, it's my husband who is in a mood to fall asleep every time he as much as gets to rest his back.

relationship killer

By the time I feed, nurse and put my kids to bed my husband is fast asleep. Where do I then make time for having sex?

Since we have elders in our home who do not appreciate we get up late, morning sex is impossible too.

Do all husbands lose interest in sex after a while? Or could it be that my husband does not find me attractive enough? I mean after years of living with the same person you do tend to take them for granted and there remains no novelty in sex.

Is there a solution to this problem?

*Name has been withheld on request

Read: "Except sex my husband provides me with everything... Should I be in this marriage?

Written by

theIndusparent