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Earlier this month, the apple of my eye, our son, turned 13 years old. While I was filled with happiness and excitement, there was an underlying fear. After all, he was entering in his first year of teens and was a TEENAGER now!!!
I had always heard that being the mother of a teenager is not an easy job and here I was, standing at the threshold of those scary years.
Most of you might feel what’s the big deal about it but ask any mother who’s been in this spot and you will get jitters on knowing how she felt about this phase.
No matter how cool we think we are, all the cool quotient goes for a toss when your child turns a teenager. You suddenly become one sick worried mom as you start worrying and fretting about almost everything on the planet.
All of a sudden, you’re totally uncool and your son has become the new cool person. On the other hand, you turn into a hot-headed mom who is often reminded to take a chill pill!
Most of my fears could be unfounded but I just can’t help thinking about these things.
Now since I mentioned how my son’s adolescence is affecting me, I’d like to share a few things that continuously keep bothering me:
1. His friend circle: This is the most bothersome part for me. We all know that adolescence is the most delicate phase of life as a teenager is no more a child and not yet an adult. This is the stage when he’s shed off his childhood innocence but still not gained that adulthood maturity.
To say the least, this is a very impressionable stage and those who matter most during this time are the friends you have. Whatever friends do or say really matters whether it is right or wrong. So, I as a mother feel concerned about the kind of friends my son will bond with during this stage. Will he keep good company or will he fall into bad company?
2. Character: A very important concern for me is his character. No matter what you do in life, it is the character that shapes a person. I want my son to grow up to be a man of sound character. Normally teenage makes you selfish, irritated, irrational, angry and argumentative. I just hope that all this is superficial and does not get so deep-rooted so as to become a part of his character.
3. Academics: Though my son has excelled in academics so far, yet I’m concerned about how much his school books will interest him in his teenage years. I’ve seen several instances where super bright children have all of a sudden wavered and their academic performance has dipped immensely to a point of no return.
4. Will I be his confidante?: Ever since my son was a little child, I encouraged him to share his thoughts with me. This was my way of ensuring that when the right time comes, he must share important life changing matters with me. However, as he is entering his teens, this fear is setting in as to whether he will consider me capable enough of being his confidante or not?
5. Drugs/Alcohol etc: Yes, yes…..I know I’m overreacting. But how many of us mothers can shy away from this fact that this thought never occurs to us? Well, in my case, it surely does. Not at this moment though, yet I’m worried that he should not fall prey to these. Teenage is a very bold and experimental age. During our teenage years, we feel that we should experiment with everything in life. We feel we can just do anything and get away with it but that’s not really the case. Is it?
6. Breaking the law: Every few days, the newspaper has an article about juveniles breaking law. One of the most common ones is when without the knowledge of the parents, children walk off with the car keys, drive rashly and end up in an accident fatally injuring or actually killing someone. I don’t want my son to be an irresponsible teenager. I want him to know that rules are not meant to be broken. If underage driving is not allowed then he must not drive, whatever be the case.
7. Abuse of internet: With the advent of technology, our kids have a blessing as well as a curse. Technology used in the right form can make a child go places whereas if handled in the wrong manner can completely destroy a child. Technology is present in every sphere of life and so we cannot dissociate our kids from it but since every child has easy access to gadgets and the nternet, my concern is that he should not watch any inappropriate content on the net. That can have an extremely negative effect on his fragile mind.
The list of my concerns is long and might appear weird but right now my son and me both are undergoing changes. While his changes are visible in the physical form, my emotional changes as the mother of a teenaged boy, are not visible to the common eye. I am in a constant state of turmoil and confusion just as he too must be in.
Things will not be easy for any of us during these few years.
Quite often I’ll get to hear “I hate you mom.” or “You’re the worst mom in the world.” He might fume up for no apparent reason, may accuse me of not being able to understand him or not trusting him at all. He might even slam the door of his room in my face and scream and yell at me in trying to put across his point.
During those times of his insanity, I just want to maintain my sanity and try to solve things maintaining a cool demeanor. Though this all is better said that done, yet I really want US to sail through this time rather comfortably. I know that adolescents get detached from their parents during these years and come spiraling back later but I don’t want my son to go away from me for these few years as well. I want to be his friend and help him navigate his way through this phase.
At this crucial juncture, I only want to tell him that no matter how much we scold you, no matter how cold and strict we appear, we are like this because we care for you and love you with all our heart.
Also Read: 10 good habits to develop before your kids enter become teenagers
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Hailing from the hills, Shivangi Kaushik Dikshit is married to a man from the high seas. Her world revolves around her adorable son.
-Editorial Type Parenting Advice Parenting Teens