"I got married at 22... and I highly regret it"

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At the age when other women of my age (even older) were venturing out and having fun, I was busy taking care of my kids.

There has been a lot of debate on what is the right age to get married. While many people nowadays feel that it is okay to get married in your late 20s or early 30s as well, in India when it comes to getting married it has always been thought as, the earlier the better.

But does it really work out for you? Anita Goel, who's been married for the 15 years now and is a mother to two lovely boys, doesn't think so. Anita got married at the age of 22. She narrated her life story to theindusparent and why she thinks that getting married at the age of 22 was the biggest mistake of her life! Here's her story...

I got married at 22….

I come from a joint family where getting married at the age of 21-23 is considered totally fine and though things seem to be changing now, I got married fifteen years back and needless to say, I had no choice but to get married to the man chosen by the elders of my family.

I was all of 22, newly married and living with my husband in Pune. Though my in-laws visited me regularly, I spent the initial few years alone being a housewife and, after my first son was born after two years, a stay at home mother. 

Yes, I became a mother at 24 and clearly, motherhood took over my life when my sweet little baby came into my life. My husband was quite loving and affectionate and looked after me well. My second son was born after two years and at the age of 26, I had my hands full, raising two kids in an unknown city on my own. Of course, I got help from people around me, but when it came to taking care of my babies I was always on my toes.

But then something happened. My babies were not babies anymore and they did not need me like they did when they were toddlers and suddenly there was a void that needed to be filled. As both my kids would be off to school for long hours I would often be sitting idle at home, wondering what to do in my free time.

My husband then advised why don't I gel with my building friends and hand out with them. May be try to learn a couple of new things from them. Nevertheless, it would be a great opportunity meet new people and venture out of the house. 

It was not that I did not have friends or I didn't go out of the house to meet new people. It was just that I did that I didn’t have that much free time. However, I decided to take his advice and go out and meet more people and may be even hang out with them.

That’s when I had a startling revelation about my life, one that has been giving me sleepless night ever since.

So here I was meeting women who were older than me, some in their early thirties, some in their late thirties and some were in their early forties. Most of them had recently gotten married and almost half of them did not have kids. And compared to them, I was not even 30 but had two grown up kids!

The initial few days I spent just doing that observing them and how they had no responsibilities. I was the youngest in the group but had the most responsibilities. They would talk about their jobs, the other things that they did during the day, especially in the evenings such as meeting friends, going out for plays, exhibitions or just go mall hopping.

And my evenings were mostly spent getting my kids' homework done or cooking for them and my husband. Whenever they would make a plan to go out for a movie or catch up the latest play I would often be the only one who backed out at the last moment as I had some other domestic chore to finish up.

I thought I was better off at home...

On holidays, it was even more difficult to step out as both my kids would be at home and I would be busy with them, taking them out for activities. At the age when other women of my age (even older) were venturing out and having fun, I was busy taking care of my kids.

I thought I was better off at home, when I didn’t know these women. So I decided that I would cut my meetings with them as the more I met them the more I realize that getting married early was the biggest mistake of my life. I had not seen anything in life… didn’t venture out alone on my own, didn’t travel, didn’t have anything else to do except take care of my kids, in short, the younger days of my life were just spent at home.

To put it bluntly, I was a nobody outside home! Please don't get me wrong here, I love my kids and husband. It's just that I feel I should have waited and seen a little more of life than getting married at 22.

Since then, I make sure that I limit my meetings with them but each and every day I feel that I got married too early and should have at least waited a couple of years before getting married.

Do you think I am wrong and should I continue living my life with this guilt?

 

Written by

theIndusparent