"I don't love my in-laws, but my daughter does..."
How do I make sure that my relationship with my in-laws doesn't affect my daughter's relationship with her grandparents?
Being an Indian daughter-in-law, I have always made sure that no matter what my relationship with my in-laws, I will not let it affect the way my children relate to their grandparents.
As a new bride, I tried, but let’s just say that after more than a decade of trying I decided it was enough and that was the end of it. The day the final comment was made and the final act of unloving and disrespecting me happened, something inside me broke, and I made sure that everyone involved would know my feelings.
I told my in-laws and my husband that the next time they behaved the way they did, I would not think twice before asking the neighbours for help and going to the cops.
Of course, it was not a very pleasant situation, and no one was happy. But at that point, and even now, I simply didn’t and don’t care anymore.
However, the one big change that did happen after that was the way my elder child perceived the entire situation.
Being a mature child, she quickly realized that something bad had happened. That mumma was extremely upset and even though she knows that her mum has never been rude, she could see that something was just not right.
So a few days after the incident she asked me what had happened. She asked me if I had a fight with her grandparents and if I loved them any less.
I told her that I do not love her grandparents at all...
What I told her is not something that I am very proud of, but I felt that it was time to come out with the truth and show her the other side of reality, that there are sometimes emotions that you simply cannot fake.
I told her the truth. I told her that I do not love her grandparents at all, I don’t even like them. And I told her that it is the same from their end as well. That they do not love me, nor do they not like me. It was harsh, yes, but I told her that sometimes, even though we do not love or like someone, we show basic respect and courtesy towards them and take care of their needs.
Which is why I make sure they get to eat on time, can rest properly, and I make sure I always speak to them with respect when I do. No matter what issues I might have had with my in-laws, I have made sure never to be rude to them, have never raised my voice and never replied back, except that one incident that pushed me over the edge.
Of course, it was a shock for my daughter. She was worried that the person she loves the most along with her father, which is me, does not like two other people who are a big part of her life and who she loves – her grandparents.
She asked me why I felt that way...
I told her that sometimes, it is possible that you do not agree to the other person’s thoughts and some of the things that person says can hurt you badly, so much that you do not want to talk to them anymore. She did understand.
And once I told her my side and how I felt, I told her one very important thing that I know meant a lot to her. I told her that no matter what I felt towards her grandparents, from my end, she would always be free to have the kind of relationship she wants with her grandparents. Which means that no matter how much she calls them or sees them, I will not mind, and I will not feel bad.
I don’t know how you manage it with your in-laws and children in such a situation. Could you let me know, please?
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