My husband calls me 'Motee'.. Is it not harassment?

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The nickname given to me by my husband is not all that flattering.  

Okay, let me begin by telling you this first. My husband has a nickname for me. Nothing unusual about it, you would think.

I mean, after all, it is perfectly healthy between couples to have endearing nicknames for each other. However, my nickname is not all that flattering. My husband calls me 'Motee.'

It first started a few months after my marriage, when my husband would jokingly say, 'Ay Motee Idhar Aaao,' and things like that.

It first began as a joke and then became a habit. I was a bit uncomfortable being referred to as Motee, day and night and even said it to him but he always laughed and said it is out of affection that I call you Motee.

Am I being insecure?

Perhaps the real reason the word stings in my ears is because I am indeed overweight. I am just 5 feet tall and have a stout and round body shape. I am not obese but I can be easily called reasonably plump. And I have always been this way.

Everybody on my mother's side of the family has the same genes and we are all short in height with stout structures. So even though I am not overly fat, it does show in a more pronounced manner given my body type.

My husband, on the other hand, is 5'10 and is well-built. He is not fat but is not really athletic too. So, when in front of friends and relatives he calls me motee as has become his habit, I can't help but be embarrassed. But before you think that I am overreacting there is more.

When jokes cross the lines

A few months ago when we went shopping, I wanted to try a pair of jeans. My husband amusingly told the salesman: "Show us the biggest possible size you have."

I was horrified to hear this and even the people in the shop didn't know whether to smile or ignore. Not just this, sometimes during our family dinner when relatives are present, he says "Zara roti paas karo, hamari wife ke liye double ghee laga ke."

When my sisters-in-law laugh aloud on this, I cry a silent tear. I have sometimes asked my husband if he feels embarrassed as I am healthier than him. To which, he denies. But when I remind him of his cruel jokes, he says that I am being too sensitive.

Encouraged by my husband's habit of poking fun at me, often my mother-in-law too joins him. She visits us every few months and off-late the moment she enters she says, "Haan bhai bohot doodh makhan chal raha hai.''

I feel very sad and humiliated. Yes, the answer can be why don't I lose weight? But my problem is if my husband has a problem he should talk to me and not pass snide remarks. This behaviour is leaving me depressed. Please advise mums.

As told to Zofeen Maqsood

*Name has been withheld on request

Written by

zofeen

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