“My husband and I haven’t had sex in six months. What should I do?”
All couples will experience dry spells. But how long is too long? How can you reignite the intimacy in your marriage?
It’s normal for couples to stop being intimate. What with work and kids and other pursuits, all of your energy seems to be channeled elsewhere.
Showing physical affection can slide down your list of priorities and before you know it, months have passed without you and your partner making love.
Such is the case for one theAsianparent Community user, who expressed her concern about the lack of physical intimacy in her marriage.
It’s been six months since she and her husband have made love. She wonders: is that normal?
There are a lot reasons why a couple stops being intimate. In this case, however, the couple seems to have had a hard time getting the spark back after having a baby, which many couples can relate to.
After birth, a woman’s libido tends to plummet. Add to that the tendency to stop seeing their partner as desirable.
The more time passes, the harder it becomes to revive your sex life.
Tammy Nelson, a certified sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want told the Huffington Post: “Biologically, the body stops producing the sex hormones that make you aroused, especially if you have gone long periods without it,” she explained. “And then you may start to feel like you aren’t interested in it anyway.”
More on reviving a sexless marriage on the next page
So what can you do to get your sex drive back?
One way is to have "sex dates" with your partner. These scheduled moments of intimacy may be awkward at first but it may help you both get back on track.
“The more sex you have, the more sex you want,” explains Dr. Nelson. “Having sex can jump start the engine and it may even remind you that you enjoy making love to your partner. You might get out of the roommate rut and start to do it more often.”
It's also important to remind yourself that emotional and physical intimacy go hand in hand.
“Emotional loving and sexual loving tend to go hand in hand, each enhancing the other. The more thirsty you are for one, the more likely you are thirsty for the other as well,” says Susan Heitler, a psychologist and the author of Power Of Two Marriage. “To get things started, compliment and appreciate your spouse. Share your time, attention and your curiousity about what the other is doing or thinking about and you’ll be on the right track.”
Initiate touching and loving gestures even when you're simply sitting on the couch watching TV. This "PDA" without intending to take it any further can ease you back into making love.
Don't feel pressured to have sex immediately. Be gentle with your partner and yourself. Too much pressure can totally ruin the mood.
You can also take a trip together to remind you both of your "honeymoon stage".
Once you feel emotionally connected again, being physical will come naturally and be all the more enjoyable.
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