All of us who are parenting must have found ourselves in that uneasy spot sometime. Picture this—your toddler is throwing a tantrum, you are trying everything possible to calm them down and just then somebody reminds you of that age-old technique of giving the baby a time-out.
Time-out is a discipline strategy, where it is advised that when a child is having his/her meltdown moment, ignore them, be distant from them and wait until they have calmed themselves down.
The arguments for the method have always ranged from—it's important for a child to know that their tantrums would not yield fruitful results and why the kids must learn that crying or yelling are bad ways to get attention from parents.
While the arguments sound plausible (after all, who doesn’t want to teach their kids the right way to demand things), somewhere, if you are a mother like me, you will agree that the thought of leaving a crying, visibly distraught baby on their own to handle their emotional turmoil doesn’t just feel right.
It’s that same uncomfortable feeling one gets when one is advised to leave the babies in other rooms and let them cry to sleep—all in order to teach them to soothe themselves and learn to sleep on their own—a practice common in Western countries, where co-sleeping toddlers like in India is often looked down upon.
All hail, the new studies
However, new research is now beginning to establish that leaving babies during their emotionally crushing moments results in more harm than good.
- Prominent psychologists both in America and Europe are now debunking the notion that time-outs are effective in teaching children discipline.
- Child psychologists explain that children have tender emotions and often their brains are not yet fully developed to understand or react sanely in complex situations.
- This leads to frustration and it is expressed in ways ranging from yelling, crying, sniffling or even stomping foot.
- The idea is not to give the child a feeling of abandonment during the time their little brains are processing as difficult for them.
- The idea instead is to give them reassurance that they do not need to resort to any abnormal behaviour to get attention, well, because mama and papa are always attentive to their needs.
Boost the confidence
In younger children often tantrums also result due to a communication gap. Young children can not only comprehend but also cannot clearly state on what they want in a certain situation or what exactly is bothering them.
- If you instead choose to confine them in a room instead of understanding their needs, you have already pushed the wrong button. Walk up to your kid, sit down to their level, and make eye contact.
- Ask them to try telling you what’s worrying them. By doing this you send a signal to their young brains that you have come to solve their problem and not to control them.
- If your child is able to express himself/herself it’s a great confidence booster for them because it immediately teaches them by action that clear communication can solve most of their problems.
Dealing with unfair demands
But then, children are children and they will ensure that not every parenting trick works smoothly. So what are you supposed to do in a situation where a child is acting up because of an unfair demand? Instead of scolding, ignoring or yelling (the worst of all) try explaining.
There is no harm if you try to talk to kids like adults. Tell them that what they may be demanding is not right and hence they should try to understand you. However, because they are kids and not yet adults like us, let them live the privilege of childhood by compensating for something else.
For instance, if your child wants an extra hour of TV, instead of forcing them in their study with their books try telling them okay if you were to read that chapter for mama we can go for a walk around the block may be and watch nature. So much more fun than predictable TV! Try doing it, it works… well mostly!
Also Read: Why I stop myself from being an overprotective mother
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