"THIS is why I felt guilty when I started judging her..."
She was not the one uncomfortable in the dress, or with a bad posture, or with an excess weight problem. I was the one with all the problems here.
There are many times when we judge others, especially us women judging other women, and many times, we end up doing it without realizing what we are doing.
I have always felt proud of the fact that I am a very chilled out and relaxed woman, one who is very open in her thoughts and very accepting about mostly everyone; which is why I was ashamed of myself when I realized that this was exactly what I did this weekend.
Here’s what happened.
My friend and I had planned to meet up at one of the upmarket coffee shops in a swanky mall in town. It was supposed to be an easy relaxed day of chatting and catching up over the weekend. Mumbai is still getting some rains, and I had decided to dress sensibly, complete with a stylish shirt and trendy shoes.
I reached the coffee shop, placed my order, and was waiting for my friend, trying to read a book in the meanwhile. Even as I was reading, I heard laughter and looked up to see a group of women entering the shop. All of them were nicely made up and wearing trendy outfits, and carrying those stylish bags in the crook of their arm.
Okay, honestly, I did judge them a tiny bit then for the excess weight that was showing off from the wrong places and felt some of them could have easily worn clothes that were one or two sizes larger (sorry, I did judge but then I moved on).
I noticed the female
The group headed towards a table where I noticed another female was already waiting for them. When I saw her, I immediately thought “Whoa! What is she wearing??”
The woman was wearing a flowy dress which I thought looked horribly out of shape, and even as she got up to greet her friends, I could see that she had a horrible posture and there was something just so not right about the entire getup.
That was when I judged her...
I gave her a long look, judged her on the dress she was wearing, on the excess fat she had, the way I felt she was trying to look fashionable and cool when she definitely looked uncomfortable and wasn’t even able to stand up properly. For those five minutes, I was the horrible woman who judges (and I am definitely ashamed of it!).
I went back to my book and in a few moments my friend arrived and we got busy. As I was almost done with the coffee, the group of women got up, including that lady in the dress I had been judging so much.
The moment I realized how wrong I had been...
And then, I saw – her friends helping her to stand up and take the walking crutch. Her legs, I realized as she came out from behind the table, were disfigured, and she clearly had some medical condition which did not permit her to stand straight or walk properly.
She was not the one uncomfortable in the dress, or with a bad posture, or with an excess weight problem.
I was the one with all the problems here. I was the one who immediately had judged her on her looks, her weight, what she was wearing, the way she was carrying herself and everything. And I remembered then, how it felt when I was battling thyroid, how it felt when I was always called fat and body-shamed.
As they were crossing my table, I looked at her, she happened to look my way, and I gestured at her earrings, telling her I loved them (I actually did love those earrings), and we both smiled at each other and that was it.
I hope I remember this every day. And I hope we all learn to judge maybe a little less. What do you think?
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