"Except sex my husband provides me everything. Should I be in this marriage?"
We didn't stop immediately, just that once a week, turned into once a month, then once in two months. After that... I stopped keeping a count because it became so rare.
“Hey, Why don’t you come and sit with me for some time,” I told my husband as he stepped out of the bedroom this morning.
It was 6 am and our son was still fast asleep. As working couples with kids, this was an ideal Sunday morning to indulge in some romance or perhaps even have some early morning sex, I thought to myself, as my husband sat next to me.
“We hardly get any time to talk these days, ”I said as I ran my fingers through his hair. “Stop it!” he jerked! “Hey, but why? What’s wrong?” I retorted.
“I am not in the mood, “ he said, “I just woke up.”
“But I am!” I said.
“I don’t care about that,” he said.
“So what do I do? Tell me something, when was the last time we had sex? Do you even remember? I think it’s already been a year!” I shouted with frustration.
This is what happened each time I made the first move or expressed my desire to make love or have sex with my own husband of fourteen years.
My husband is perfect...
We’ve been married for 14 years, have a 9-year-old son, and you know what, we are doing completely fine as a couple. My husband loves me, respects me, cares for me, listens to be, God damn it, he even does the dishes when the maid does not turn up! Yes, he's the husband everyone wants to have!
The perfect husband who lets his wife take charge of the household and one who never complains. Who fights with his parents for his wife, who never forces her to do anything and one who never forces her to follow stupid traditions and customs.
But there is one major issue that stands out like a sore thumb. In the last six years, especially after the birth of our son, we have stopped getting intimate and hardly have sex.
Well, to be frank, we didn't stop immediately, just that once a week, turned into once a month, then once in two months... after that, I stopped keeping a count because it became so rare.
And, while I try my best to get intimate; I dress up, I leave hints for him, I express my love for him, for God's sake, I am even vocal about it; the fact is, my husband seems to have no problems with it!!! He's totally fine as if I am the one who's having problems coming to terms with our sexless life!
So much so, that each time I rub his back or pull him closer, I am made to feel that I am only interested in sex and being an Indian middle-class housewife you can do whatever you want to but not that! Right?
It happens in every marriage...
So like all of us do, I discussed the issue with my friends. Of course, I didn't put it all there, I said there is a lack of intimacy, to which all of them almost unanimously agreed that the problem was that I've been married for a really long time.
"After 15-20 years, the marriage is more about companionship than sex," said one. "And you're not the only one who's going through it. It happens with all couples who've been married for a long time. It's common," said another.
But what's the solution, I asked them? Should you be in a marriage that has no sex at all?
"Yes, because sex is not the only thing that is in a marriage and the wife should be having no problems with it," they said.
"And you're so lucky. Your husband is the best husband in the world and all you care about is sex? Get over it!" said one of my close friends.
I was so disappointed in my friends that day... My questions is, why can’t the wife have a say in the sexual part of a relationship? Isn’t that a basic need and who else can she discuss it with, if not the husband.
What do I do if I do not express what I want? Shouldn't I be discussing this with my husband as much as we discuss family matters, politics, school, and work? Isn't sex an important part of a relationship? Don't you think so? What do you think I should be doing?
*Names have been hidden to protect their identity
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