"Why I deliberately delayed motherhood and I don't regret it"
Don’t give-in to the pressure of your in-laws, your parents, friends and family. I didn’t and this is how it helped my marriage and prepared me for motherhood later on
Ever since I got married, my family and friends were after my life and wanted to know when would I be starting a family. And they were not wrong in their approach as it’s often seen in India that couples do not even wait for a year to have a baby. Some, like cricketer Harbhajan Singh, have one in nine months straight.
Believe me, it’s a question that all couples are bombarded with soon after they’re back from their honeymoon. However, though there are some people who strongly believe in the saying “the sooner, the better”, I always thought that one should never be in a hurry to start a family.
As a woman, you should only have a baby when you’re ready for it. So, don’t give-in to the pressure of your in-laws, your parents, friends and family. I didn’t and this is how it helped my marriage and prepared me for motherhood later on:
#1 We got to know each other better
While mine was not totally an arranged marriage, the truth is many couples in India go for an arrange marriage and barely know each other before they start living under one roof as a couple.
So it is important for you as a couple to spend time with each other and do things that you like together—go for holidays, travel the country, go for a drive or do whatever that interests you.
This is what we did in the first few years of our marriage and it helped us know each other better and understand each other’s goals and passions. If you hurry it all up, you would have no time to enjoy life as a couple together. Besides, having a baby is not easy. It is a big responsibility and as a couple you should be mature enough to deal with parenthood.
#2 We got comfortable with our families
Having more time at hand meant that we spent more time with our respective families and create a rapport with them. This helped me a lot in particular as I got to spend more time with my in-laws, especially my mother-in-law.
We (me and my mother-in-law) both needed time to get used to each other and understand each other’s behaviours. Believe me, this really comes handy in establishing a bond that lasts for a lifetime. I can easily say that over the years my mother-in-law and me have gotten closer and today we can literally read each others minds.
Of course, we had our own bittersweet arguments that sometimes were difficult to deal with, but our relationship only emerged to be better and stronger. And, when my daughter was born she was the one who stayed up with me the whole night and helped me comfort the baby. Really!
Continue reading to know how it helped me become a better mother and professional!
On the other hand, my husband is really close to my parents and they call him first if they have to discuss anything.
#3. We got time to shape our careers
Both my husband and I are working and were quite ambitious from the beginning of our careers. When we got married we both needed time to establish our careers and become stable in our professional life. I got married at the age of 24, which, though early, is considered to be quite a decent age to get married in India.
However, I had just started on my professional path and needed time to create an identity for myself, which I feel is of utmost importance for Indian girls. These initial years helped me shape my career better and when I finally had a baby I had more control of my professional goals.
#4 We were prepared for the baby better
As we had, in a way, planned our career paths, we became financially stable and were better prepared for the baby. From being young and frivolous, we became more mature and careful of our expenditure and even saved quite a bit of money for our future investments and other essential life necessities.
Personally, by dealing with different people and relatives I got matured over the years and got more adept at handling tough situations and heated arguments. This is really useful when you have a baby and get the responsibility of taking care of a life on your own as the experience comes handy in dealing with the emotional and physical turmoil that you go through during pregnancy and after that.
#5 We got more time with the baby
Finally, when the baby did arrive we were more stable, financially and emotionally, and were more in control of things, which helped us deal with parenthood better. Since we were already close to my in-laws and parents, it became easy for us to depend on them in times of need.
Personally, as I was quite stable in my career, I was ready to take a sabbatical to enjoy motherhood and spend time with my little one. I was so happy that I got to live every moment of my daughter's life since the very beginning, which helped my daughter be emotionally secure and a more confident person.
Today, when she's five and all grown up, she is happy to say bye-bye to me when I drop her at the daycare every morning and it leaves me all teary-eyed most of the times. Am so happy I took time and waited all this while to have her in my life and I hope that as a woman you take that time, too.
Don't hurry up for motherhood. Have a baby when you are prepared for it. Believe me, it would be more satisfying when you are mentally and physically prepared to have a baby. As far as all those questions are concerned, that's what earplugs were invented for ;)!
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