Dear Indian bahurani, please start setting your expectations right!
Sometimes, we, the daughters-in-law, give out the wrong image to our in-laws, and in the process, make them set some wrong expectations.
Now before you start throwing those angry comments at me, or feel I am being a preacher who is trying to be too good here, I will just say that being an Indian daughter-in-law myself, and one who has gone through the typical Indian bahu grind, there are some nuggets of desi gyaan that I have picked up in this journey called married life.
All I am trying to do here is share how sometimes, we, the daughters-in-law, give out the wrong image to our in-laws, and in the process, make them set some wrong expectations.
If that can be avoided, not only will it let us be the way we are, but will also ease out a lot of stress that we face when relations are not really happy with our spouse’s family.
*Before anything else, this post is not meant to offend anyone. It is just a general observation and if you are in a happy relationship with your in-laws, then we’d love to hear your tips and secrets!
1. What will you wear?
One big issue that almost all Indian bahus face is about what they choose to wear. Unless you are wearing a saree, or in some modern families a salwar suit, you will almost always hear some or the other negative comment from your in-laws. It does not matter if the daughter of the house, who may be your
It does not matter if the daughter of the house, who may be your age, or even older, wears jeans, shorts or dresses. But you wearing these will almost always displease others.
Instead of entering your marital home with suitcases filled with sarees or heavy Indian clothes, carry the type of clothes that you actually wear. Have some desi wear for occasions and for times when you will have to meet family and friends of your in-laws, but otherwise, keep a balanced mix. And yes, if you are a jeans and t-shirt person, wear it at home as soon as the wedding Mehendi starts to fade.
2. State your preferences clearly
Settling down in a new place is always a big change, and it means that you may have to make some, or a lot of changes, from what you are used to. One big change that most of us usually face is a change in eating habits.
You may be accustomed to eating a particular dish a certain way, or eating at a particular time. Initially, it is alright to go by what your in-laws prefer, but soon, learn to show your preferences too.
Offer to cook food in new ways, and tell your in-laws that you would love to create a new menu or a new recipe for them. If they like it, great.
If they don’t and you too don’t like what they cook, you can always cook some dishes for you separately. Even though it may feel odd initially and you may hear some negative comments, it is best to make it clear that this is how you eat, and prefer.
3. Maintain your individuality
You may be a newly married wife and have a lot to take care of at home, but that does not mean you will never have a social life that is absolutely your own. If you have been a partying girl before you got married, or if you were in the habit of regularly meeting your friends or going out after work, things will be a little different initially once you are married. However, completely staying away from your social circle and then suddenly becoming active again can create a lot of confusion and friction.
However, completely staying away from your social circle and then suddenly becoming active again can create a lot of confusion and friction.
Start mixing with your circle maybe once a week, and tell your family honestly that you are going out with friends, and not for work. Don’t sound apologetic, so that they know that even if it does not work, it is something that is important to you. Also, invite your friends home, as it can help your in-laws feel a little more comfortable if they see some people who belong to your separate circle.
Whatever you do, the idea is to present your true image and make your in-laws understand your personality the way you are. Of course, marriage means some adjustment and compromise, but following everything your in-laws expect or ask, and then suddenly feeling suffocated and angry about it will only cause stress and tension.
Be yourself from the start, and remember that, just as you are entering a new home, they too are adjusting to a new person who will now live with them as their family.
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