At this age of exhaustive parenting, it becomes imperative to throw in a life jacket and save your identity as a person which is as important as the role of a wife or mother.
It's 3am in the morning. You are in the bathroom, washing up after finally putting your colicky baby to sleep. You look into the mirror and stifle a scream. A pale, messy creature stares back at you with bags under her eyes.
You trudge back to your bed and wonder, just wonder where that bright, confident woman you were just a few years ago has vanished. And you are still wondering until dawn breaks in.
Sure, you love being a wife and a mother. The rewards of fulfilling those roles are huge! But then you realise the truckload of responsibilities that just crashed onto your head is drowning the "Me" part of you and the "Me" is drowning fast!
For generations, mothers have put their children before themselves to such an extent that they have lost the soul of their very selves. This has made many a woman feel under confident, depressed and lost.
At this age of exhaustive parenting, it becomes imperative to throw in a life jacket and save your identity as a person which is as important as the role of a wife or mother.
Here are some suggestions to all you moms from a mother who realised her identity is slipping away and held on tight to it before it was too late:
1. Kick the guilt
It is a mammoth task, but setting guilt aside is the first step to do something for yourself. For instance, If you've decided to watch a TV show and your toddler asks you to read him a book, it's ok to gently indulge him in another activity without bringing in the guilt that you ignored your darling for 20 minutes. That short change from the mundane routine can help you heaps!
2. Invest in "Me" time
This can be any form of activity that makes you centric. Take a long shower, go for a movie(if the child has a sitter)meet up a friend for coffee, meditate, go on a date night with your spouse. Indulge in retail therapy-but shop for yourself. Try not to return home with a bagful of baby clothes. You'll actually feel a sense of achievement.
3. Accept help if offered
If only we had multiple arms! We can't be supermoms all the time however hard we try! Graciously accept help from a trusted relative or friend to look after the child while you indulge yourself. And try not to keep thinking if all is well with them.
4. Talk about non-baby issues
Talk to your spouse about anything except about what the baby did that day. Not talking about the number of baby poops may seem odd at first, but liberating later! Your spouse may also appreciate the conversation.
5. Pursue a hobby
Make that satin cushion you've always been wanting to stitch.The internet has various teaching websites/videos for practically every hobby. Even if you don't complete learning, at least start!
6. The almost perfect mum
It's ok to leave a baby's diaper few minutes longer, its alright to sing one song less to your preschooler. No one is getting awarded for perfect chores. It's also ok if the shelves are dusted later. Setting decent limits for chores can make them more achievable and make you more pumped about yourself.
7. Health is paramount
Many of us mums put our health on the back burner without realising it. Make it a point to eat a few bites before the baby is fed. Set up a small but fun exercise routine. You can even dance those blues away! A fit mum is a confident mum!
8. Talk it out
Express yourself. Share with a friend if you are upset and worn down. Share your feelings about your mindset with your partner. Or simply just write them down. It will make you feel tons lighter!
9. Be proud of yourself
Lastly, remind yourself that you are doing a phenomenal job brining up your kid. Boost up your confidence. Working mums, tell yourself that even those few hours with your child are quality hours. Stay at home mums need not feel dependent or incomplete.
A depressed mum is a disaster mum. Let us save that lovely spirit of the woman we are inside! For all you know, that precious time you spend on yourself will leave you rejuvenated making you appreciate your duties as a mother even more!
So leave that dread and regret aside,
Though you have a lot to abide,
Shine, as a "person" you have to be,
And save the "Me" in Mummee!!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: PREETI ATHRI
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