Singer Kanika Kapoor finally opens up about being terribly miserable in her marriage
"I had everything at my disposal - from private planes to yachts to the choicest brands. But I was terribly unhappy," says Kanika Kapoor as she talks about her marriage
Singer Kanika Kapoor became a household name, thanks to chartbusters like Baby Doll and Chiitiyan Kalaiyaan. But she wasn't a trained artist pursing her ambitions in the tinsel town. In fact, she stumbled upon this career as a way to heal herself.
Yes, that's correct!
In 1997, the then 18-year-old Kapoor married a London-based businessman Raj Chandok and was living a fairytale life. The couple's high flying lifestyle included diamonds, yacht parties, designer wear, fashion shows and gossips.
They also had three children and their life from the outside looked magical. But the reality was far from it.
"I was terribly unhappy in the marriage"
In an interview to an entertainment magazine Kapoor reveals why her life wasn't as glorious as it sounded. That she wasn't happy in her marriage at all and shares exactly what lead to her divorce.
“I had everything at my disposal - from private planes to yachts to the choicest brands. But I was terribly unhappy. I had diamonds galore but there was no love, no respect. I was miserable in the marriage," she shared.
But like many women in her situation, she couldn't leave it all behind for the sake of her three children.
“I was dependent financially on my husband. My biggest fear were the kids – where would I go with them? Women waste a lot of time sulking and in self-pity. They need to get up and get out of that,” says the popular singer who after three years of separation filed for divorce in 2012.
Singing was like healing
Soon after her separation when she came back to India, a well-wisher suggested that she take up singing and spend time learning the art.
"There comes a moment in your life where you feel nothing is working out for you, your life is hell. Just then someone advised me to take up music once more and that became the turning point," says Kapoor who then studied music under the guidance of Pandit Ganesh Prasad Mishra from Varanasi.
She was then discovered by producer Ekta Kapoor and signed on for Baby Doll. And, the rest as they say was history.
But even with the popularity and hobnobbing with fashion moguls, Kapoor has remained grounded and moved on well in her life. So much so that she is now friends with her ex-husband.
Equation with the ex
Kapoor says that she has remained friends with her ex-husband Raj Chandok and they are in talking terms as well.
“When he heard my songs, he told me, ‘Well done, I’m always there for you’. I’ve learnt that in good times everyone is your friend. There are few who are by your side during hard times. And that support is all that matters in those times,” says the positive mum of three.
While Kapoor has managed to reach this stage where she can be comfortable enough to share her journey with her ex, it can be a tough time for the kids, especially when the parents are moving on quickly with their lives. How can one counsel such kids?
Helping kids of a broken marriage
We spoke to Anuja Kapur, a Delhi-based psychologist, who explained why divorce can be difficult for young children and suggested ways to cope with it.
"It can greatly affect child development and emotional health. Children don't just sail through parental conflict, separation, divorce, and remarriage. There are lasting consequences," says Kapur. But she says that such parents can take steps to help the kids adjust to the new changes.
- Talk openly with your children: Let them know you still care about them and that they're not being replaced or forgotten. Invite them to express their thoughts and emotions, and be open to making changes in how you handle the transition.
- Empathize and sympathise with their feelings: Regardless of your children's ages, remarriage evokes strong feelings that they may not understand or be able to communicate. Children see remarriage as a loss — often at the end of a string of losses. Validate your children's feelings by listening to and acknowledging their concerns.
- Allow children to take time to adjust: While children may eventually embrace the new relationships, few do so at first. Be sensitive to this need for time to adjust. Do not force children to accept the situation. You can, however, expect them to be courteous and respectful.
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