"Aapki beti ko toh khaane mein namak daalna bhi nahi aata”
I was shocked to hear my MIL speak like this and did not react. I did continue cooking for them through the trip, but honestly, I had lost all my enthusiasm.
Whether you have a love marriage or an arranged, I think one thing that always remains common for us daughters-in-law is to have a tough time being accepted in the married home, especially by the in-laws.
I knew I was going to have a tough time because my would-be in-laws were not really happy about the fact that their only son would do a love marriage. But my partner was sure he wanted to be with me, so he decided to take up a new job role in a new city, and soon we began our married life there.
As an only daughter, I had always been pampered by my parents. My mother never let me cook, but she would always let me watch her cook, so that I knew how to do things when needed. Thanks to her, I had, without realizing, developed an interest in cooking and was able to start the basics at my new kitchen in the home I shared with my husband.
We were happy...
I knew that my mother in law spoke to her son every day and asked him things like what we had for dinner or lunch, if I cooked it or did we order, how we should avoid going out and eating even if it only on the weekends and instead how I should always cook and so on. She would also ask him if he had lost weight and if he was able to happily eat what I made.
To all this my husband would say he was happy.
And very soon they decided to visit.
I was excited because I wanted to show them that yes, I was able to take care of things nicely. And I guess I had a strong need of acceptance from them. I missed my parents, away in a new city, alone most of the time as my husband had a very hectic traveling job. I started planning about all the different types of dishes I would make for them, especially as they were so keen about food and eating.
I was already trying out so many things.
The day they arrived, I had prepared all their favourite food items. When it was time to eat, my mother in law took one look at the table and said...
“Itna khaana kaun banata hai, lagta hai mere betey ka saara paisa dustbin mein hi jaata hai.”
I felt really bad but told her we did not waste food, but as I was still new to cooking, I sometimes did go a little off the quantity levels. In which case I ate the leftover and did not waste it. She was not convinced and said “Kya pata mera beta bhi baasi khana khaata hai.”
Anyway, we sat down to eat, and things were alright.
Next day, after my husband left for work, my mother in law called up my mother in front of me and said, “Ek hi to beti hai aapki, usey bhi khaana banana nahi sikhaya? Namak daalna bhi nahi aata. Wo to mera beta hai jo chupchaap kha leta hai.”
I was shattered. The food was good, in fact my husband had even told me the dishes he liked the most. But I was shocked to hear my MIL speak like this and did not react. I did continue cooking for them through the trip, but honestly, I had lost all my enthusiasm.
Today, my children love the food I make, and their friends even demand certain dishes that they say are their favourites. I am happy I did not give up after my mother in law taunted me. But yes, I vowed to not get shattered by someone else’s negativity ever.