"When my 4-year-old said she doesn’t love me anymore..."

"When my 4-year-old said she doesn’t love me anymore..."

Here’s why I encourage my children to write out their feelings and share the way it makes them comfortable

I have two little darlings at home, who love me more than anyone ever can, and have been my biggest source of strength, inspiration, comfort, joy, solace, frustration (yes that too of course!) and basically all emotions that a human being is capable of going through.

I had earlier spoken of how my 3 year old often asks me every day if I still love her. Both my daughters are extremely expressive, and so it was no surprise to me when one day, the younger one, who is now a grown-up 4 year old (please read this seriously, as that is what is expected when someone is 4 big years old!) quickly wrote down a note that read “I DO NT L UV MA” I DON’T LOVE MA.

Smudged with the tear drops 🙁

She is 4 and wrote it herself, the way she could pronounce the phonetics, and of course spacing is an issue, but you get the idea.

Let me tell you the background of the note.

Some simple sibling issue where I told her she was wrong and took the side of her ditta (elder sister whom she calls ditta because she was too young at 6 months to say didi and that’s how the name stuck).

The little one got upset…

The little one got upset and immediately went ahead in search of a pen and paper. Please note that the pen HAD to be PINK and the paper was improvised as a notepaper from a clothing tag she found. Smart.

So there it was. My little angry angel walked up to me, and handed me the note with a big pout, telling me how I was so bad and not her friend anymore and she had stopped loving me and would not be my friend ever again and then in a while many tears also flowed through.

I didn’t laugh at the note. I have kept it safely, just like all the notes my daughters write to me, and I sat down with her and tried to talk to her to understand why she was upset. Many people feel this is just a silly waste of time. That’s fine, but I would still love to encourage this.

You know why?

wilsonngo / Pixabay

Here’s why I encourage my children to write out their feelings and share the way it makes them comfortable

1. Writing out the emotions is the first step to acknowledging something is troubling you. I am someone who has a huge problem in expressing herself verbally.

If you have read my articles, you would feel I am quite the outgoing and confident person, who can talk non-stop. Yes, I can talk, but to very few people. And I can barely ever express my emotions, especially the non-happy ones.

2. Finding the right words for all your emotions can be difficult, so even saying it in a simple I love you or I don’t love you is a big step for a child.

Of course, when your child says I don’t love you, he or she does not mean it literally. It’s just something you’ve done that has upset them, and saying I don’t love you is the best way they can find to show they are hurt.

3. Trying to say the words and write it down improves phonetic as well as overall thinking skills. Each word she wants to write down she first has to say it out loud in her mind at least, and then write it on paper.

It encourages her to think, even when she is upset, understand what she wants to write and then be careful enough to write it to the best of her abilities.

4. This is one of the most honest ways of communication that my child can have with me, especially when she is not comfortable with something I have done.

When I take her seriously, and do not dismiss these notes as being frivolous or funny, I show her that her emotions matter a lot to me and that I am there to listen to her and help solve her problems. It builds trust and communication, and definitely, makes her feel happier and loved.

I love sharing my everyday stories with you all, but do remember that as a mom and as a woman, I would always need your tips and inspiring comments too. So don’t forget to share more here with me and all the other mommies!

Also Read “Mamma, I am proud you work so hard.” My 9 year old’s loving message to me

 

Written by

debolina

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