The truth is that all of us who have been through pregnancy are body shamed at one point or the other on our postpartum looks. Ironically sometimes we don’t even realize it as it comes warped like a good meaning
Ironically sometimes we don’t even realize it as it comes warped like a good meaning advice. And heartbreakingly enough very often this shaming is perpetrated by our very own fellow women folk!
I will begin with giving the example of my cousin first. Six months after her baby, she had a ceremony in her house where all her relatives and in-laws came. Her sister-in-law shrieked the moment she saw her: “Oh my God you have become so fat. You must lose it fast else you will lose all her charm,” she said.
I saw my cousin responding with a forced grin. Through the evening many other women in the house of her own generation kept telling her that they joined gym soon after the pregnancy or once the fat settles in it may be never be possible to get back in shape.
As the evening ended and the guests departed I saw my cousin break down. “I am a new mum, who is breastfeeding her baby day and night, people should cut me some slack," she said.
I totally empathized with her. Maybe her relatives did not mean bad but the tone and occasion they chose were wrong. That day I realized that knowingly or unknowingly so many people end up saying unkind things to a new mother who is anyway struggling with both emotional and physical issues.
After speaking to many fellow women and their post pregnancy experiences I realized that there are three ways in which almost every woman is body shamed.
It’s important for all of us to know when to draw the line between concern and insensitivity and respond to body shamers.
1.Your stretch marks will never go: I have heard it many times and I am sure many amongst you all must have also. I cannot stress enough that stretch marks definitely go light with time and sometimes go away too. In fact some women do not get any stretch marks at all.
Whatever is the case, it is absolutely rude to make a blanket statement on how one’s body may respond. Because honestly even if it won’t be this should not be any third person’s concern. It's better to react, and respond to body shamers by saying that right now your priority is many other important things than the presence or absence of stretch marks.
2. Oh you are not breastfeeding? Well, at least your boobs won’t sag: No that may not even remotely be the reason why a mum is giving her baby formula food. There can be many other genuine reasons that many don’t bother about and just pass on an insensitive remark.
I knew someone who developed a breast infection and was advised not to breastfeed. So next time someone assumes your reasons be firm and say: “Now you are assuming, my reasons may be more pressing than just worrying about vanity.”
3. Your body will never be the same again: Absolutely false. It is totally possible that your body totally recovers to its pre-pregnancy status. So many women are cruelly told that their body has changed forever. If you have undergone caesarean, some people are quick to say that the surgery will lead to a flabby stomach.
If you had a normal delivery, chances are you may have heard that despite your vaginal stitches you would never be as tight. Most doctors say that given some time (even a year or two) your body heals completely and you are as good as new for the next pregnancy. So, the next time someone tells you that just politely tell them: “If that was true, nobody would have been able to have another baby!
Also Read: An open letter to all the new mums out there trying to lose weight: Enough is enough!
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