Is Your Child Inferior?
Inferiority complex is never a pretty term and hardly one that any parent would want his kid to be associated with. However, what causes inferiority complex? How does any parent deal with it?
Inferiority complex is never a pretty term and hardly one that any parent would want his kid to be associated with. However, what causes inferiority complex? How does any parent deal with it? Sometime ago, it was reported that feeling inferior is linked to a sense of shame about self. Thus, how do parents instil in a child the acceptance of personal flaws and confidence?
As you teach your child about the parts of her body, spend some time to explain to her about the importance of self-respect. At one point, therapists saw rape victims with inferiority complex accepting their fate and not even putting up a fight in court but merely attributing it to their own personal fault that they were raped. What is even much more disturbing is that some even felt that by being raped, they were at least being accepted by one person, even if it was in an extremely degrading manner!
If you are shaking your head and mumbling, “Females…” hold it right there! Males too can get involved in rape because of inferiority complex. Power rape, as it is commonly known, are committed by guys who do not feel capable of themselves and feel an extreme need to prove that they are in full control of their life. To prove this, a power rape is committed as power and control over the victim through any form of terrorisation creates a special sense of power for them. Thus self-worth has to be taught to children. To put it bluntly we have to be aware of our own self-worth and what better time to be made aware of it then when we are young?
Rejection screams loudly for being the cause of inferiority complex. Rejection within the family, in school and rejection from just about every person met, due to weight issues, a tiny downward spiral in academic performance or cracks in the looks department can cause anybody to not only develop inferiority complex but also to commit a lifetime to smoothing out these unimportant wrinkles. Statistics have shown that children, who come from households where parents or grandparents commit long hours to harping on a child’s flaws, end up putting themselves down as well and therefore suffer from a dangerous level of inferiority complex.
theAsianparent spoke to a person who suffers from inferiority complex since young. Sindhu Letchuman, now in her mid twenties and in the medical field, opens up about the struggles, overcoming it to an extent and keeping it hidden from most people around her.
TheAsianParent (TAP) : Hi Sachrel, tell me a bit about yourself.
Sachrel Li (S.L) : I have 2 siblings, one older and one younger. I’m sandwiched in the middle. Being in the middle has seen me getting less attention. My sister, being older, was always loved by everyone. My brother, the youngest, is the attention grabber and back in the old days my mother devoted all her time and attention to him.
TAP : How did you identify yourself as someone with inferiority complex?
S.L : When I was young, I didn’t know that was what it was. I used to clam up a lot. I lost my mother before I began primary school. I was overweight up till secondary school. These factors just made me shut myself to the world. Teachers unknowingly would tell me to get my mother to help with projects, etc. Mother’s Day was the worst.
My overweight-ness was an issue with almost everyone I met. It was like the whole world was so involved with appearances. It was extremely traumatic to a point. I had no friends. Kids didn’t want to make friends with a fat girl and when some nice ones actually came and spoke to me, I totally holed up.
TAP : How did you cope?
S.L : Since I was attention-starved, I went all out to get that. I used make up by 15, got a piercing or two and always turned up late for school. I was becoming really messed up. Gradually I became more jovial, louder; I mean I just needed to get attention. I never could and still am unable to control emotions. I hung out with the guys ‘cause I felt the girls were just too judgemental. The downside of that was the guys started treating me like another guy. I just kept using humour to hide everything. Everyone would laugh and I was happy that I was finally getting the attention I deserved.
TAP : What about relationships, did they suffer?
S.L : Terribly. When my first boyfriend dumped me, I was around 16 and I could not manage it. Not one bit! I plunged deeper down. I mean it was bad enough the way it was but when he suddenly just dumped me like that, I felt worthless to a deeper degree. Whatever friends I had also turned against me for whatever reason and I was pretty much alone.
TAP : How do you think inferiority complex has changed you?
S.L : In more ways than one. I can empathise with people more and being in the medical field, it is vitally important. I counsel people and I can actually go down to their level and sometimes actually know how they feel. I feel for the minority, the outcasts of society. I know how they feel and how it can just kill everything within you to some point.
TAP : So two decades with this and how are things looking?
S.L : I still have low self esteem. I can be very much a roller coaster. Some days happy, some days upset. Only my closest friends understand me. Depression gets to me at times, like when I lost when sister and grandmother two years ago, and they passed on just few days apart from each other. Traumatising and depressing. But that is not to say everything is still mellow and down. I have learnt to live with it and control it better.